Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
