somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
