I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i barfeds in our rink
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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