Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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