Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
