i just had sex bonerless
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I did not marry a roomba.
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