Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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