I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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