Quick, to the slutcave!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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