i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
