my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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