My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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