in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
