we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
