I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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