so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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