dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
