That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
