JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
