where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize