lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The air taste purple.
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