You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
