I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize