I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this boner is exhausting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
