i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
