There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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