Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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