i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
