And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize
