Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
