If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
