tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
try to milk me bitch
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