i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize