All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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