Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
