oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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