I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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