Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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