Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
