Sry I called you an 8
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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