Yo dont text me then not text me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
