The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
