Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its liver damage thursday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
