After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
