I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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