Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
