i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
