come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
