You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
