A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
