so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
