Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
