using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it was like having sex with a tree stump
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How naked do you want me to be?
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