Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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