Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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