So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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