Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
