My room smells like vodka and shame
Do you still have your period?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
