I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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