Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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