wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I touched a dick in church today
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
