I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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