Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
