we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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