Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize