Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
