I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
