highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
