If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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