this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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