Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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