hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
