dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
