So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize