I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
