Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize