he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
