dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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