How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
