sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
