I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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