i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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