its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
