So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
